Silence

 No, I don't mean my shocking lack of consistency in writing blogs. (I have ideas, which I have even jotted down somewhere. It doesn't help if I don't develop those ideas. It doesn't help if I am not sure where I wrote down the ideas. I give myself credit for persistence if nothing else). 

This is about grief. 

My Dad died in January. Suddenly and rather brutally. Violently actually. There was no one else involved, but he slipped on ice and hit his head. Very badly. He and I disagreed about many things important to both of us, but he was my Dad and for his weird political ideas he was an amazing Dad. Nothing like death to make one realise that. I am also so grateful that we had a good Christmas together where there were no political discussions. Also while he gave the rest of the family cryptocurrency as a gift, he didn't give to me, and that moment I will cherish. For the first time in my life I actually felt as though he knew me. So anyway, I am mourning him, and I feel a lot. I am the female version of him in that sense. 

I recently bought a book of poetry about grief and it is lovely. Not every poem speaks to me of course. 

This one did though. My world is definitely quieter without my Dad. 

Rest well, Daddy.

 

   (blogger's own photo)  

Silence

by D.H. Lawrence

Since I lost you, I am silence-haunted; 

    Sounds wave their little wings 

A moment, then in weariness settle 

     On the flood that soundless swings. 

 

Whether the people in the street 

    Like pattering-ripples go by, 

Or whether the theatre sighs and sighs 

     With a loud, hoarse sigh: 

 

Or the wind shakes a ravel of light 

    Over the dead-black river, 

Or last night’s echoings 

     Make the daybreak shiver: 

 

I feel the silence waiting 

    To sip them all up again,

In its last completeness drinking

    Down the noise of men.

Young, Kevin. The Art of Losing (p. 15). Bloomsbury Publishing. Kindle Edition.