The joke is on me

I am so bitterly disappointed. 

I have always dreamed of the moment when I could breathe, and take the time to sort out all the thoughts and ideas accumulated during a 20 year long career to write a doctoral thesis. Especially after the last two years where I feel as though I was continually faced with enormous political conundrums which I was not equipped to face except as part of a team. I was part of a team, but almost none of them had any experience in my field, so I spent too much time educating them. 

So now, I was finally going to have the breathing space to think through and find solutions and evidence. 

Instead I am still being forced to write things I have not had the time to reason through. Distressed may be a good word for it actually. Because at this point, if it were feasible, I would love to give up. And that just makes me sad. I am living my dream and I am miserable. 

So, as I said. The joke's on me.

via GIPHY

New adventures, old ghosts

Well, things have changed.

Been wondering whether I would be able to give a new life to this blog. 

For one thing, I am now a PhD fellow. I am very excited, as I am not exactly a spring chicken no more, and this has been a dream since I finished my undergraduate degree in the nineties. (As I said, I am no spring chicken). The opportunity also conveniently put an end to a work situation which was slowly but surely wearing me down. 

It is a challenge, and I have had instances when I have been despondent, realising that I need to be more realistic in my ambitions. I also wonder if I can write something which will be truly interesting and, even better, actually useful. Otherwise, what is the point? I guess time will tell. Now that I am able to give in my overthinking intellectual self, I am also working through what kind of faith I want to have. I do want to have a faith, the alternative is too dreadful to contemplate. That feels like something I can write about. 

So, while this is in some respects the tail end of 2021 (thus proving even if you move from the Southern Hemisphere, the Southern Hemisphere never leaves you), it is also a time for beginnings. 

So as my sweetie turned a year yesterday (teen in the house?), here's to new adventures, and old ghosts.