"After the party" by Andrew Feinstein

Hmmm, you know that you may need to reconsider being a blogger when it is so long since you have been to your own site that you have forgotten the name of your site! How embarrassing.

Nevertheless I cannot quite give up on blogging. It is not lack of ideas, it is rather just tricky to remember them and most of all sit down and do the writing.

It is already April, but neverthless a new year (at least in terms of my blogs), so here we go again.

FOr my "opening shot" - I have just finished reading "After the Party". First and foremost it confirms what I have already known (and this is not what you think!). I really do not follow things that closely. Perhaps it is remarkable that despite working for the South African government for almost a decade that I am so incredibly ignorant of its political workings! After a mere two years in Norway I feel as though I am better informed here than I was there. To be honest I cannot be sure.

Nevertheless, it was both fascinating and distressing to read more about the Arms deal. Of course all the things which I did notice now make much greater sense. It really is very disturbing and makes me quite sad. I think I am quite ambivalent whether it would have been better to have known this when making my decision to leave. On reflection I think that I am glad that I made the decision on personal grounds. The "inklings" which I had are unrelated.

I tried to read the book somewhat critically, yet I have no major criticisms against the author. I am bemused by his obvious admiration for Vlaclav Havel and Edward Said (who are both quoted on several occasions) and am tempted to read the former myself. I respect the fact that he somehow manages to not vilify anyone (which with my view and perception of whites South Africans is quite admirable) and the real bad guys are without a doubt the arms industry. This in no way causes problems with my own worldview.

I think that the one area which I found lacking was that of the role of culture. Is it coincidental that he and Gavin Woods come out as the crusaders for truth in this story. I can understand why it is not his place to go into detail as to the ultimate fate of some of the other players (like Laloo, who makes up a trio with Feinstein and Woods initially, but somehow disappears, something which I consider with some foreboding). Given the complexity of the "Rainbow nation" in terms of its multicultural population, I personally think that this is also a major factor in how things have played out. (Note, I in NO WAY consider any culture to be better than any other, quite to the contrary I think that every culture has significant strengths and weaknesses. Cultures, like most things, can also benefit from a dialectic process whereby they can build on their strengths and work on their weaknesses).

I also am amazed that the author manages to retain such idealism, though I sincerely hope that he is no longer naive (how can someone who has been through what he has remain so?). Which is why I respect his idealism and certainly see the logic of much of what he posits is required to ensure that any country avoid such a quagmire in the future as this entire saga has, is and I fear may continue to be for a while to come.

On a final note, I could not help but chuckle as the irony of Menzi Simelane's appointment to head the National Prosecuting Agency after Vusi Pikoli became apparent. In fact if it wasn't so tragic it is nothing less than quite absurd. I found myself wondering if it was not his reward for being the scapegoat, while other fish swam away unhurt.

A good read indeed. (Buy it here at Amazon)

In the news (1 October 2011)

I am a headline reader. All the science and study of writing a headline is aimed at me.

I am now at the stage of my life where the headline can inspire quite a reaction.

Such as earlier this week when in juxtaposition I thought two headlines that I came across on huffingtonpost.com said quite a lot (and not necessarily related to the content of the articles in question). The one referred to the difficulties the US senate is having to agree on the financing necessary to keep government running. The other referred to the space station programme which China has launched. Kind of ironic, isn't it? If it doesn't challenge the most simplistic notions of what is meant by a "developed"/"developing" country? (disclaimer - I am in no way implying that the so-called "developed" countries are thereby exempt from the responsibility of that label - far from it!)

However, this is not the headline I want to comment on here. It is one currently on CNN.com: "Was it legal to kill al-Awlaki?"

I will not read the article, but since they posed a question I find myself formulating an answer anyway:

Probably not. Since when has that stopped you? Just talking about a legal killing seems quite bizarre to me. However I am willing to accept in this morally complex world we live in that we do need to define in legal terms when it is permissible to kill someone. Nevertheless I prefer that there is a process which monitors this ex post to ensure that this legal power is never abused. Then again I am talking to a so-called developed country which still practices the death penalty. Which leads me to believe that there is a link between the need to assert one's power rather than taking into any account any sense of legitimacy of that power. Which may be why such killings will continue, as will the debate.

Q&A

Because I am the only celebrity in my own life...discovered the Q&A column in the Guardian and so I have decided to apply it to myself (why not?). Now this is unlikely to be of interest to anyone, but it was an interesting exercise in honesty with myself...

When were you happiest?
The years I lived in Geneva, somehow I made sense then...

What is your greatest fear?
Not having anyone to talk to or laugh with

What is your earliest memory?
Standing in my cot, waiting for someone. (Always thought it is ironic!)

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My impressive ability to not do anything

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
When people can barely have a conversation without explaining everything to you as though you are newborn...

What was your most embarrassing moment?
Still remember to this day crawling into the lap of some poor gentleman at church, thinking he was my father! Was probably four or five.

Property aside, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?
Etro bag I saw in a window in Rome - still surprises me but I do not regret it. (Yet to every buy property!)

What is your most treasured possession?
My ipod probably...

What would your super power be?
knowing the future

What is your favourite smell?
Freshly ground coffee

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
my idealism

What is the worst thing anyone's said to you?
"you're not"

What does love feel like?
Rather lovely. (stealing Roger Moore's words on this one)

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it?
Don't think so...

Which living person do you most despise, and why?
I may despise someone in a particular circumstance, but usually I try to find compassion for them too.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
At this precise moment in time - just good friends would be a dream :-)

If you could go back in time, where would you go?
Absolutely no idea...

Which word do you most overuse?
"bored"

What has been your biggest disappointment?
Waiting for the right guy to come along!

How do you relax?
Listen to music apparently

How often do you have sex?
At present, I don't!

What is the closest you've come to death?
Leaving the house while living in South Africa? (Not very close really :-)

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
A social life

What is your greatest achievement?
Not giving up

What keeps you awake at night?
Thinking

What song would you like played at your funeral?
Take my hand Precious Lord

How would you like to be remembered?
I would be happy to be remembered!

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
It could have been worse :-)

I thought it was thunder

It was raining, and I remember thinking that was the first time I had heard thunder in Oslo. I grew up on the Highveld in South Africa where thunderstorms are commonplace. So I didn’t think much of the earth quivering.

A while later my neighbour upstairs was knocking at my window and she told me that it had been an explosion, in the government quarter. Regjeringskvartalet. That is where I have been at several meetings the last few weeks, both at the Finance department and the Trade and Industry Department. I had been planning to go the library, which is just adjacent to the quarter.

That was however the tip of the iceberg. After ascertaining that the one colleague I know was indeed on holiday, something was mentioned about shooting at Utøya. I didn’t think much about it at the time, one was so focused on the bomb. I wondered why they just didn’t call it a terrorist action. Like so many others I did assume it was the work of Islamic fundamentalists. I thought of how naive I thought Norwegians are, we should have known.

As the full extent of what was happening on Utøya started to come out – a man on the main Norwegian channel reported that at least 30 had died – that was so much more shocking and frightening.

I finally went to bed at about quarter to three this morning. The death toll was reported to be 17, seven from the bombing, and ten from the shooting at Utøya. It was also reported that a man had been reported. Not a ”muslim”, but an ethnic Norwegian. In this country that makes a difference. A big difference. One of ”us”, not ”them”. Still a terrorist act, even if not by Al Qaeda.

I woke up about about quarter to seven this morning by a thunderstorm. That first explosion that I thought was just thunder – will I ever be as unperturbed at the sound of thunder again? I thought I would quickly catch up with the death toll before heading back to bed.

Nothing could prepare me for the news. How conservative that initial 30 suddenly was. Now it had been confirmed that 80 kids had died. 80 teenagers and tweens. Unbelievable. Even now I think it completely unfathomable. How can one person do this? How does a run-of-the-mill Norwegian boy-next-door do this? How does one even put words to the horror you feel. The bomb was just a diversion – one was grateful that it had gone off in the middle of summer holidays and even after the end of the work day. But it seemed to be intended to keep police and emergency services busy, not to inflict maximum loss of life. That was reserved for a youth camp. A political youth camp – how can you hate that political party so much? It does not make sense.

I still cannot. I have been down to town, and laid down flowers in several locations – close to the government quarter where so many of my colleagues could have been injured and killed. At Oslo Cathedral, simply because today I am entirely Norwegian. At the parliament because I do believe in this social democracy which is Norway, and believe that it can be a multicultural society – where tolerance and just opinion sharing is possible.

It is scary, I think of my great ”jump” into public debate when I compared comments by a politician to apartheid South Africa where onclusions were being drawn from statistics which were racist. My lack of surprise that the alleged perpetrator was once a member of that same political party.

The police presence here in Norway perhaps doesn’t shock as much as it would Norwegians as I have seen bank guards with bigger guns! There was something about seeing flags at half-mask which moved me. Suddenly the flags were not just symbols of countries, they were symbols of the people of that country. That the US and EU countries also had their flags at half-mask. All my friends who sent messages on facebook or who sent smses. It meant a lot.

At some point I simply have to turn off the TV, go to bed and remember that life goes on. At least for me. The greatest impact on me may be what comes to mind the next time I hear thunder.